Sorry, I've been busy lately, mostly with trying to figure out what direction my life is taking, who my real friends are, and what/who is actually worth giving a fuck about.
I think my life lacks substance. It's the same routine every day. It's everything I didn't want it to be. I always pictured myself this age as a well balanced individual. Where partying, school, outings, and friendships are well managed and neither out weighs the other. But i think i'm kind of failing at that. Something always seems to take priority. Nonetheless, I WILL take control. My mommy says i'm a born leader and even though she contradicts her statement often by telling me I'm a follower, I like to believe this. But honestly, i'm not showing it. From November 5th onwards, i begin to be the person I've dreamed of being all my life. Strong minded, opinionated, successful.
Also, I've come to realise that a lot of these people who i consider 'friends', aren't friends at all. I hate when I'm the one having to go to an effort to maintain a friendship with someone who doesn't really give a fuck. If you want me, make an effort. In saying that, i'll probably end up friendless.
So, what's been cracking? Me.
I'm on the verge of going off the rails. HSC is a BITCH. I haven't studied nearly as much as i should have, nor will i achieve the desired mark. No regrets though, there's always a way.
Just, the way i'll be taking, will be filled with a lot more disappointment and will be a lot harder than the path others are taking, but at least i'll learn things along the way. Valuable things. Life skills.
I need a new job. Woolies is great and all because it's like...a 2 minute walk from my house, but i seriously need to start thinking about something that's more relevant to what i want to do in the future. I'm starting to think that maybe i've changed my mind with this health sciences thing. Like, i love it and all, but i don't know if i can picture myself doing that for the rest of my life and making the millions i'd like to be making. Perhaps i should consider a business degree or something. Sure i hate business, but it brings in the big bucks.
But in the end, you don't need a university degree to be successful. It's about being logical, and making the right moves. I think that's something I'm capable of.
Fuck Academics.
So in short, the last week has been something like this:
- Mi madre is pissy at me because she knows i'm not going to get her dream ATAR of 99.95.
- She makes me feel like shit, even though, right after she mentions it, she tells me that 'there are plenty of other ways of getting there'
- I got my car confiscated early this morning because apparently i had a 12am curfew but got home at 12:45.
- My mother now has to drive me everywhere.
- I'm going to the Gold Coast on the 9th. I should be excited about this. But i'm not. I can't stop thinking about last years trip to the Gold Coast, the lead up to it, and then the outcome. Fuck i miss you Nelson. You have no idea. Nobody does.
I am not pathetic. I will be everything I ever wanted to be. I will get there, and I don't care what it takes to do so, but I will. Just you wait, Fuckers.
Hey Angelo, if you're reading this, I think we should book our bridge climb.
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